Ben made a choice in Thursday’s episode that put his family first, and it’s hard not to respect it as something Lola would absolutely also do for the sake of Lexi. He’s tried to be reasonable but he also can’t afford to let things go on as they are.
Jay’s spent another night away from the flat, and so Ben hasn’t had the chance to confront him about his new knowledge of the ketamine until now, when he slams down a coffee and bats Jay’s head to wake him up. Looks like he guessed Jay would be in the car lot sleeping off the drugs – although he misses the earring that Nadine left behind. Jay notices it and quickly goes to hide it before Ben asks any questions.
Ben’s focused on making his disdain clear, commenting on the state of him before picking up one of the empty cans of beer and asking if he’s been on one of his drug fuelled adventures. Jay already knows that Ben knows about the ket, and tells Ben that he knows he should have told him about it. Sounds like Ben’s deliberately taken his time to speak to Jay about it; but he then comments he should have given him longer. Jay makes out he was meant to tell Ben about it – but we all know he wasn’t. He stopped Callum from telling the truth and just lied again. And he was asking for more ket after that. Which is basically what Ben says here – Jay saying one thing and then doing what he wants. Promising to be at home, saying he’ll sort himself out, but then that doesn’t happen. And we know why; Jay’s grieving and trying to find ways to make that grief easier to bear, but it then affects those around him. Jay tries to defend himself and apologise, but Ben doesn’t want to hear from him. It’s about his actions, and he points out that Jay’s hurting them with those actions which just adds to their pain. He needs to find a better way to bear that pain that doesn’t involve causing pain for everyone else.
There’s also the lies, which Ben is tired of as well. Jay’s been lying about where he’s been, what he’s been doing, even down to the drugs he’s been taking. And Ben thinks he has the whole story now, but the fact he doesn’t means that Jay’s already used his last chance before he’s even been given it.
Ben stresses the important of not having drugs around Lexi. He wasn’t allowed to see Lexi himself last year on instruction from Lola; and now he is the primary parent and is doing what Lola would do, which is enacting a zero tolerance approach because he is the one with the biggest responsibility for her wellbeing.
Jay says that he knows, but Ben isn’t allowing any buts. He can’t budge on this and makes it clear to Jay that this is his final warning – he needs to sort himself out or he has to move out. It’s not entirely harsh – Ben doesn’t want to be harsh, but he has to be firm, so his words are softened with a little knee pat on the way out. It’s up to Jay to take his words seriously.
Later in the market, Callum’s asking Ben what Jay has planned for tonight – not sure if that means they know Jay isn’t going to be around or if it’s a reference to their meet up later on in the Vic. I’m going to guess the latter – and Ben makes a sarcastic comment about how it could either be a quiet drink or getting high as a kite, because they never know with Jay these days. Callum points out that he’s trying – and that prompts Ben to ask him to stop covering for Jay, because it’s not helping Jay or them. And he’s right. Callum obviously thought he was doing the right thing not telling Ben, but it was naive to think Ben wasn’t going to find out and Jay was going to just stop with his behaviours with no one none the wiser. So instead it’s affected the trust between Ben and Callum, and honesty is especially important between them right now.
Callum tells him he’s sorry he didn’t tell him about the drugs, but pleads with Ben to give Jay another chance. But Ben’s already given Jay his final warning – he can’t afford to give him any more.
At the Vic, Jay waits as Ben and Callum approach the table and sit across from him. Callum starts to speak at the same time as Jay, and then they both start encouraging the other to go first – which just annoys Ben, who suggests that one of them speak at least. They’ve both lied to him so he’s not going to go easy on either of them.
Jay says he tried to get Billy to come, and Ben tells him he’s probably not picking up because he’s taken Lexi out. He’s then irritated when Jay pretends that he knows about that. He hasn’t been around to know, and he also didn’t asked where Lexi was when Ballum first turned up.
Callum instinctively tries to stop Ben being harsh, but Jay at least knows that Ben has every right to be angry at his behaviour. He tries to make an earnest apology – mentioning how he’d promised Lola that he’d put Lexi first and he hasn’t. Which is interesting wording, and not even the only time he frames it like this in this episode. Like his attachment to Lexi is solely based on Lola and not for Lexi as a person or a child he wants to be around. It’s all about the promise to Lola, not to Ben or even Lexi herself.
He apologises to Callum too for the difficult positions he’s put him in, and acknowledges to Ben that it will take time for him to trust Jay again, but he also hopes this is a start. Ben is cold at first, scoffing at the idea that a pint will sort everything out, but Jay presses on to point out they can’t sort anything out if they aren’t talking. He asks Ben hear him out, and he starts to explain to both of them why he’s taking the ket, how he needed Lola and was desperate.
Ben points out they’re all missing her (you know, as everyone liked to point out to Ben himself when he was the one struggling with grief on top of existing trauma) and it’s not an excuse. He points out how it would look to Lexi – the person who’s feeling the biggest loss – that Jay isn’t around because he’s missing Lola. He should be stepping up for her, not withdrawing.
Jay pleads with Ben, insisting he’s done with all of it and begging for one last chance to prove it. Callum is clearly a bit hesitant to step in since he knows he’s in Ben’s bad books already, but he gently suggests to Ben that they can do that for Jay, and Ben eventually agrees with a silent nod. Callum then breaks the atmosphere by reminding Jay that they were promised a drink, so Jay gets up to get the round in, things looking tentatively positive.
However, we know that not everything is out in the open; and when Ballum watch Jay go to the bar for another round, Nadine walks in. Callum is pretty visibly panicked, turning back and taking a swig of his beer, and Ben notices. He asks what’s going on, and when Callum tries to deny anything’s going on, remaining quiet at Ben’s questions, it just confirms to Ben that something is going on, and Callum’s keeping something from him. Of course, it only takes a little poking from Ben for Callum to start spilling; he admits that Nadine is the one who gave Jay the ketamine. There’s something else, and Ben presses him to tell him what that is, sensing that Callum’s reluctant. He knows Ben isn’t going to like it, so warns him for that first, before also making the disclaimer that what he’s about to say isn’t as weird as it sounds. Except it is exactly as weird as it sounds, evidenced by Callum’s own initial reaction to it.
Anyway, he comes out with it – that Jay’s been paying Nadine to sleep next to him. Yeah… weird. Ben struggles to get his head around it, having noted the similarity to Lola as well (and really, how come the whole pub hasn’t noticed considering there’s a photo of actual Lola on the bar??) and his first reaction is disgust. Callum insists that they just sleep, because that’s what Jay had told him and had managed to convince him of. He gets it a bit, how Nadine must comfort him. But it’s also a worrying sign that Jay is struggling to accept that Lola is gone and clinging to the essence of her in any way he can, then taking the drugs to forget about everything when he can’t.
Jay and Nadine talk at the bar, unaware that Ben has crept up next to them, and Nadine is overheard by him saying it was just sex, and that she got paid. So not just sleeping then.
When we cut back to them, Callum’s joined them at the bar and he must feel silly too for believing Jay when he said he just slept at Nadine’s place. Now it looks to Ben that he covered for Jay about that too, whilst also looking to Callum that Jay lied to him. I mean, they were just sleeping at the time Callum found out, but this recent turn of events doesn’t look good for Jay.
Nadine does the smart thing and moves away while Ben has it out with Jay. Jay’s already trying to explain, knowing how bad it looks, but Ben is not going to go lightly; he agrees that Jay should feel bad, and he feels like a fool for believing Jay’s apology. He accuses Jay of only saying what they want to hear, because he’d kept quiet about the Lola lookalike. Jay scoffs at the idea he’s trying to replace Lola – although, isn’t he? He’s been using Nadine at night to pretend Lola isn’t dead, getting her to wear Lola’s perfume and having sex with her the night before. You understand why, but he is trying to suppress his grief by making questionable choices, and one of those choices is clinging to denial through Nadine.
Callum (bless him) has the cheek to suggest they know everything now. Ben wonders if that’s true, and I can’t blame him. He thought he knew everything, but he didn’t. Even Callum didn’t know everything, so how can he be sure this is it? Ben points out how even Callum himself hasn’t been upfront with him, and stresses how he can’t deal with the lies anymore. He’d said it earlier too, and knowing that even then he hadn’t gotten the full truth from Jay or Callum will sting.
Jay attempts to turn things around on Ben, scoffing at the idea that Ben can’t deal with the lies – but Ben refuses to let him do that. He agrees that yes, it’s coming from him – he knows all too well what damage lies can do, and having made enough mistakes to last him a lifetime, he doesn’t want Jay to do the same. It’s not hypocrisy, it’s growth.
This growth continues to be shown in this scene as he refuses to let Jay deflect. Jay accuses him of being jealous because someone else is getting attention and he doesn’t like it. Which is, as we’ve said before, pretty standard for Jay in terms of his attitude towards Ben’s mental health. Reducing it to attention seeking when in fact the problem stems from Ben trying his hardest to conceal his trauma until it becomes unsustainable and then explodes. That’s not attention seeking, that’s Ben reaching crisis points because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s struggling. But now, he’s talking and seeking help, and the counselling really does seem to be helping him deal with situations like this. Before, Ben might have taken Jay’s words to heart and blamed himself for Jay’s own grief and bad choices – but now he’s telling Jay not to put this on him. That’s big for him as someone who always blames himself for everything. But he knows this is not his fault, and he’s got Lexi to think of – and his marriage as well, because this thing with Jay has also come in between Ben and Callum, and Ben is not about to let that continue. Lexi and Callum are his family and they come first.
Jay mocks him for that, and points out that at least Ben’s got a marriage to protect, as his only lasted four months. Which, you know, isn’t actually Ben’s fault. Even Callum’s stopped trying to reign Ben in and now he’s addressing Jay too, telling him that they should be helping each other through this but that Jay won’t let them in. Jay fires back that it’s not the same for them, but Ben points out they could still help him, but now it’s gone too far. And he’d tried, he and Callum both did. They suggested counselling, Callum reminded Jay they were there for him, Ben gave Jay chances to prove himself with Lexi. But he’s out of options.
Ben can’t have Lexi around this sort of thing; drugs, prostitutes. He tells Jay that Lexi needs security, and Jay’s reaction is to insist that Ben can’t stop him seeing Lexi. He looks to Callum for backup, but he’s not getting any because Callum’s done advocating for him, and he understands Ben’s decision and how it’s best for Lexi. Jay mentions his promise to Lola again, and I still don’t know if it’s deliberate writing, but why no mention of Lexi herself and how he’d miss her if he didn’t see her, or a mention that he loves her? If not deliberate, then it’s very strange indeed.
Jay pleads with Ben, and you can tell that this is difficult for Ben because he does love Jay, but he stands his ground because he has to. He’s putting Lexi first as Lola would have done. He tells Jay he’s done, and that he wants him out of the house. He walks off, and Jay looks to Callum, but Callum just looks back at him with his sad eyes and follows Ben out, leaving Jay alone.
Ben advocating for Lexi in this episode was really great to see, and peak dad behaviour. Jay needs help, of course he does – but right now he needs to do that away from Lexi, and show that he’s putting her first, which is something both Ben and Callum have demonstrated in the last few weeks. Can Jay do the same?
Jenn's Ballum Blog 