Hey! Welcome to the last recap of what’s been quite an eventful week for Ballum. In this ep, we see them helping each other and putting that strong husband energy into practise.
Screencaps for this episode can be found here.
Out in the square, Ben watches on as Vinny and Suki walk past, probably picking up on the tension and the pain. It looks like it winds him for a few seconds, feeling the guilt acutely as he nurses a beer in broad daylight.
Callum approaches him at that point, moving to hide something behind his back as he startles Ben out of his thoughts by expressing surprise that he’s not at home. Ben tries to be casual as he explains he just felt like getting fresh air (air which is doing wonders for the height of his quiff!), but Callum sees where he’s looking and he knows that Ben’s out here beating himself up over what’s happened. He tells Ben it wasn’t his fault, but Ben doesn’t really want to talk about it (even though going by the little smile he appreciates that Callum’s trying) and turns the subject to Fitzy, asking how he is. And according to Callum, he’s getting there – and hasn’t just got his ring back, but he’s already proposed! Callum feels he’s turned a corner, which is great for Fitzy, and great for Callum too. He’d been terrified of robbing Fitzy of a future, so him proposing feels symbolic; that it’s going to be okay. With that news, Callum’s in a better place to now try to help Ben – and his plan to do that is revealed when Ben spots that he’s trying to hide something behind his back and reminds him that they said no secrets; with a little wink to soften it. Callum can’t argue with that, and so he reluctantly shows Ben what he’s hiding – a t-shirt with a little rainbow ‘Mr’ in the corner. Ben has to look away, clearly not enthralled with the idea of wearing that. Callum explains that it’s for Kathy’s Pride event in the Albert, and she made him promise they’d both go along – but clarifies that the shirts were his idea. Which I love so much. How far has that boy come? The discomfort he felt two years ago at wearing a Pride shirt, surrounded by rainbows and feeling so desperately alone and afraid to be himself… and now he’s trying to convince his husband to wear matching gay t-shirts with him.
He backtracks a bit though at Ben’s unenthused reaction, dismissing it as a silly idea and that he just wanted to take Ben’s mind off things. But Ben apologises and tells him he can’t do it – he can’t take his mind off things. Guilt is an all-consuming thing as Callum knows all too well, and he’s left wondering what he can do to help Ben if distraction isn’t going to work.
Later on, Callum (who seems to have acquired his backpack somewhere along the way) is walking past the swings when he clocks a very sorry looking Vinny knocking back the beer, surrounded by empty cans and with a whole pack lined up on the seat next to him. He expresses his condolences about Jags, and Vinny wonders out loud why everyone keeps saying that, what are they sorry for if it’s not their fault Jags is dead – the weight of his own guilt clearly weighing heavily, especially after an earlier scene where Suki blamed him for making her ‘clean up’ after him (to avoid the reality that it’s her fault for framing Jags for something he didn’t do).
Callum feels bad that Vinny’s in this state and suggests he go and be with his family, as he shouldn’t be alone. But the mention of family is the last thing Vinny wants to think about, and reveals to Callum that it should have been him in the cell and not Jags – that his family made Jags take the hit for the attack on Martin and now he’s dead. And that’s something Callum didn’t expect to hear.
He tells Vinny to go easy on those cans when Vinny reaches for another, trying to numb the pain and the guilt, and then wanders off back the way he came. He could have stayed with Vinny, but he’s got a sad husband at home and he’s off to try and ease Ben’s own guilt in the wake of Vinny’s confession. It’s not like he does nothing though, because he’s still Callum – and we hear about it later when Ash mentions that Callum was on the phone to her to let her know about Vinny drinking. Which I quite like, since Ash did Callum a favour by giving him the news about Fitzy last week, so now Callum’s returned that favour.
Callum returns to the flat and he wastes no time in letting Ben know that he bumped into Vinny. Ben tells him he doesn’t want to talk about it; he doesn’t want to hear about how Vinny’s doing to add to the guilt he’s already feeling. But Callum perseveres, and relays what Vinny told him – that Jags should never have been in prison, the Panesars set him up to take the fall for Vinny. He sees it as proof that what happened wasn’t all on Ben, that he’s just one part of a series of events that led to Jags being killed. He can’t make Ben believe that Jags would have been killed even with his protection in place, but he can demonstrate that other people are to blame for Jags being there in the first place.
Ben’s thinking it over as Callum then compares it to what happened with Fitzy and the stabbing – acknowledging that there was a bigger picture than just his own part in the situation. He made an emotionally charged decision unaware that it would lead to Fitzy getting hurt, and Ben made an emotionally charged decision unaware that it would lead to Jags dying. And in trying to make Ben see that what happened isn’t just down to him, he’s essentially forced to put his own situation into perspective and come to terms with the fact that what happened to Fitzy wasn’t just down to him either. And it works the other way – Ben has to accept that it’s not all his fault because to deny it would be to deny that it’s not all Callum’s fault for the stabbing. Callum’s basically done a checkmate on Ben, and Ben knows it. He shakes his head and bites his lip, but he can’t argue with it.
With his point made, Callum reaches into his backpack and pulls out the shirt he showed Ben earlier, not willing to give up on his suggestion now that he’s given Ben that food for thought. He uses it as a symbol for moving on, saying they’ve both got to try – one day at a time. And even though Ben rolls his eyes, it’s a bit more for show this time. By grumpily insisting that Callum wears his too (of course he is, that’s the whole point), it’s an indication that he’s accepted Callum’s words and is agreeing to try and move on. It’s not over – the Panesars have yet to find out what Ben’s done and Callum’s only just on the waiting list for counselling – but it’s a work in progress and they’ve made a pact to try; and at least they’re in it together.
Callum grins at having got his own way in the end (he usually does and he knows it) and throws the shirt in Ben’s direction. Or at least it’s meant to be in Ben’s direction. Covid rules about actors not touching the same thing someone else has touched is clearly still in place here, so Tony can’t actually throw the shirt at Max. They probably should have cut that a millisecond earlier, but hey ho. Ben still catches it, and unfolds it to hold against his torso just as Callum had done, and there’s sassiness for a second before Ben softens it with a silly face that has Callum huffing out a little laugh at the floor. He then looks up at Ben with a more serious expression, a nod of satisfaction almost. A renewed belief that things will be okay. God, I just love them. They’re navigating this marriage thing, helping each other, learning from each other and working on the foundations of their relationship. How very grown up of them. And now to reward themselves they will be getting drunk in the Albert with matching shirts. Happy Pride month!
It looks like we’re in for a quiet week next week with no spoilers or pictures to go on, so there’ll be no Week Ahead post this week. I envision Week 26 to consist of lots of off screen talking and self care for both of them… unless told otherwise of course. I hope you all have a nice weekend!
Jenn's Ballum Blog 